Even Superheroes Need To Vent
by Hydros
Summary: Beast Boy gives the Titans a video camera with which to record various rants and raves they have about fanfiction. Need I say more?
1. Raven

Me: Since this is a fic in which the ONLY thing going on is characters talking, I am not going to use quotation marks for everything they say. Only one character will speak per chapter. This will contain the rants on my profile xD.

(Camera turns on and we see Raven sitting on her bed, looking straight at us. Raven begins to speak.)

Ok, there are a few things I just need to rant about, badly in the world of fanfiction. The same goes for the other Titans. Therefore, we are using this camera to record our rants and raves for future humorous occasions. Knowing Beast Boy, he'll probably find some way to blackmail us, but anyway...

Okay, first thing's first: How hard is it to look up the spelling of my three-word mantra? Go look up Season 4, episode one of our animated series called Episode 257-494.At one point, we stumbled into an ad that spoofed my words (which I protested, by the way,) advertising the product Zinthos. On the screen CLEARLY flashed the other two words: Azarath and Metrion. Yet some of you writers STILL misspell it! Seriously, I've seen Asarath, Azaroth, Azirath, Metrian, Metron (what, am I some kind of Transformer?) Matryen, Zynthos, Zynthas, and even Synthas! How damn hard can it be?

Which brings me to my next point. If you're going to write about something, get your damn facts straight. I am NOT a cold-hearted bitch. I may give someone the cold shoulder, but I am not a set-in-stone bitch. 0

I don't hate Beast Boy. I don't know why the hell people keep saying that. I used to, but then I got to actually know him. Yet people still write stories that involve me hating his guts. Really? Are you that stupid?

I. AM. NOT. EMO! Jesus. Seriously, even AU stories usually portray me as emotionally unstable. All of you can go fuck yourselves. Especially with Trigon's red ass gone, my emotions are completely under control, which is no small feat with Happy bouncing around every second of the day while Knowledge tries to keep her from knocking herself out.

And what's this shit about me and Robin? Yes, we're close. We share a mental connection. But just because he held my half-naked body (which I'm sure he sprung one over) doesn't mean we would have anything romantic going on. That just means that Slade's a goddamn pervert and Robin just kind've enjoyed the side benefits.

What's even worse is me and Cyborg. If I could split into like, 100 of me, I would go and personally murder the writers that write that shit (and scare the shit out of Beast Boy in the process). I mean, he doesn't even have the balls to ask Bumblebee out! Pun intended, by the way. How the hell do you think Cyborg, who's afraid to tell a girl who can fly and zap him that he loves her, going to approach a girl that can leave all four of his limbs in individual dimensions?

And don't even get me started on the yuri pairings. I saw a Raven/Terra fic one time, before Trigon was destroyed, and half the lights in Jump City shut down. I mean, sweet mother of Azar. Even if I WAS a lezbo, why the hell would I go and date the traitor? If we're gonna go with Raven as a lesbian, which I seriously protest in the first place, at least make it believable. Jinx and I, perhaps.

I'll get back to you as I think of more things to rant about. Over and out.


	2. Starfire

-1(Camera fuzzes, clearing up to see Starfire sitting on the edge of her bed, head cocked)

Hmm…Is this on? Yes? Okay, thank you Beast Boy!

Hello, video camera. From what I am told, you are to record me as I tell of things that annoy me, mainly concerning fanfiction. Well…

(Starfire gets up briefly, checks and closes her door, and returns to her bed. Some of the usual Starfire sweetness has gone)

I am not the "bunny-loving, pink obsessed prep," as Raven once called me, all the time. And trust me, when you live around this Tower, you seize the chance to blow off some steam when you get the chance.

Now then, where shall I start this "rant," as Beast Boy calls it. Ah, yes. Why in X'ahl's name does everyone seem to think that I ALWAYS call people "friend?" Yes, I do somewhat frequently, but I am most capable of referring to someone without adding some prefix. Honestly. And as a related note, I am so tired of people writing about me as if I would fall in love with a dead bird if it winked at me!

…CYBORG! Robin is most certainly NOT a dead bird!

(Starfire gets up, and we hear star bolts flying and the sound of Cyborg running away)

I am sorry for the interruption. See? I am not always a cute little buttercup. Remind me, by the way, that I still need to concoct some sort of revenge on Beast Boy for calling me that.

Anyway…where was I? Ah, yes! Before a certain robot interrupted me, I was speaking of the many writers who portray me as a little girl who swoons at the slightest interest. To all of you writers: I do not wish to cause you harm, but if I continue to find stories of this sort, I DO have connections to the Tamaranian militia.

…Excuse me.

(Starfire gets up, walks out her door, and a muffled scream is heard. She comes back to the camera)

Apologies. Cyborg seems bent on recording my less-than-sweet and fluffy side. I have turned him off. Ah, yes, that actually brings up another subject: pairings. Why in X'ahl's name would I date Beast Boy? Do not get me wrong: Beast Boy is a wonderful person. He's often humorous (well, I think so, anyway. I have been told that I am the only one that believes such), and he can be absolutely adorable at times, namely when he performs "The Face," as he calls it.

Cyborg and I? Uhm…No offense to Cyborg, but I would never leave Robin for him. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't leave Robin for anyone. Our time in Tokyo has made me realize that Robin is my "one," as Beast Boy says.

Well….I shall return if I feel the need to say more.


	3. Robin

-1

(Camera fuzzes, shuts back off. Fuzzes again, comes into focus,. Robin standing in front of his bed with his face in the camera)

Er… Is it on now? Should've just used Cyborg's camera… oh well.

(Camera shuts off again, then turns back on, Robin still standing there)

Yep, now it's definitely on. Well, Beast Boy got this thing with the bright, and may I add, brilliant, idea that we could use it to record our feelings on the fan fiction that is produced based off of ourselves. So many places to start from…which one first…

Ok, let's talk character. First off, I am NOT a drill sergeant. We have a training schedule, yes, but I don't randomly say "We're going to five sessions a day!", nor do I threaten my teammates with training except as a joke. Well, ok, I was serious that ONE TIME, but that was when I made Beast Boy train an extra hour for planting Starfire's underwear in bed and taking pictures to send to Titan's East. He forgot I have gadgets that can pick up fingerprints. Good game, Beast Boy, good game.

Now let's talk romance. I may be a little on the oblivious side when it comes to love, but I've noticed Starfire ever since we first met. Purposely ignoring affection and being too much of a love-stupid retard to see it are two different things, yet I see lots of stories that make it seem like I don't know that Starfire exists. Huh?

And while we're talking about love, let's get one thing straight: Batman can find _anyone_, and I swear I'll sic him on the next person who writes a Robin/Slade fic. And on that thought, excuse me.

(Robin goes out of the room and the sounds of the shower are heard. Robin comes back in a new uniform)

Sorry, I just feel flat-out disgusting every time that thought crosses my mind. Yeesh. Yes, I spend way too much time studying him, but that's because I want that madman stopped!

(Robin's head turns and Raven is heard saying something unintelligible)

Oh, and Raven seconds that thought.

(More unintelligible speech)

She also says that I have her full permission to sic Batman on the person that writes a Slade/Raven fic too. She also made a few threats that I'm not going to relate.

Anyway…

Oh yeah! Next up on my list: Hair gel. Must everyone disrespect the hair gel?

…Did I ask you, Cyborg? How would you know, you don't have any hair to put hair gel in! Swish! Three points for the Boy Wonder!

Anyway, back to my point. So many people disrespect the hair gel. It's what makes me…me! I wouldn't be Robin without the spiky hair! That's like my identity, man!

……

(Robin throws his hands in the air)

Actually, thanks Beast Boy, you reminded me of my next related subject. My outfit does NOT look like a traffic light!

(everyone in the Tower is heard saying loudly "YES IT DOES!")

Okay, fine. It's got the colors, I'll admit. But it also has black! Black eye mask, black cape, black little patch with the first letter of my name on it… Okay, maybe it is a little dorky. But it's still my identity! People wouldn't recognize me without it!

TAKE THAT BACK, RAVEN!

(sigh) Word of advice to all superheroes: Don't live in close quarters with someone who can place different parts of your body in different dimensions. You can't do diddly to them when they insult you.

By the way, I'd just like to say this, too, as a warning for flamers: My cape is a friggin' titanium polymer. Do you have _any _idea the towel snap that bad boy can do? Cyborg sure does. Put dent in left leg that he had to take 2 hours fixing. Then again, it also dented the T-Car because he dodged like a pansy… I did some running after that one.

One final subject: Red X. I don't know who's behind that mask, but I do know that fan fictions that portray him and Starfire going out are unrealistic due to one thing: I have a sword that I can impossibly make out of two Birdarangs and I am NOT afraid to use it.

Well, I guess that's it. Robin, out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Okay, due to someone's review on my story, I guess I need t post a disclaimer: I do NOT hate any one author. It takes a lot for me to hate a story (criteria includes realism, spelling/grammar, etc.) and my criteria is VERY loose. I write based solely off of the animated series, thus why this is under the Cartoon category. This fic is not meant to be offensive to ANYONE.


	4. Beast Boy and Theft

-1

(Camera fuzzes on. A pair of green eyes fill the lens before Beast Boy finally steps away, looking satisfied)

There we go! Hey all, this is Beast Boy! I'm here today because I have recently purchased a video camera. I was reading fan fiction recently, when I had a another Beast Boy- style incredibly brilliant idea.

…Blow it out your ear, Raven!

Heh. Yeah, that's right, I just blew off _Raven_. She's not gonna kill me though. She loves me too much for that, plus she already promised me one "no consequences for offense," as she said. So there!

So yeah. I came up with the idea to give each Titan the camera so that they could express and share their opinions/rants about fan fiction with you, the public. And so, I, Garfield Logan am here to share MY thoughts on certain subjects.

First off on my list would have to be, well, me! I'm not an idiot, and my room isn't a chemical biohazard! And no, Cyborg's opinion doesn't count. Seriously, folks. I may have my moments, but….

…I HEARD THAT CYBORG!

I'm generally a smart guy, though. Seriously, do you think I'd be with the most badass girl in this dimension if I was stupid?

(A/N: For this fic, BB and Raven are together simply because they are the most hinted at couple.)

Okay, I do believe the next subject I'd like to discuss is the moped. The moped! Why do I see such a lack of mopediness in my stories?! This issue makes me a sad, green panda. My moped is like Robin's hair gel, except useful.

(Robin is heard yelling in protest)

Hm…I think I may have heard a Birdarang come out…might wanna watch my back later. Anyway, as I was saying: More moped, for the love of…uhm…Azar? Iunno, first thing that came to my head. Just…more moped! And less Raven killing me! Well…I don't know if Raven would agree with me on that one, but I digress…

Raven! Yes, thank you, my vocabulary HAS been growing! Go suck on a tofu dog!

Oh, shit…I spent my "no whupping" thing already…

(There is suddenly a flash of black, and we can't see anything for a few minutes. When the screen clears, Raven is sitting in front of the lens)

Beast Boy is, er…unavailable… as of present time. So, tell ya what. Check back la- HEY!

(Camera is yanked away, and Gizmo is heard yelling various taunts and swears at Raven)


End file.
